Seven Signs That Your Relationship Was Over Before It Even Began

Sometimes relationships are great, but sometimes they’re not. You might be feeling things that you think are small signs that the relationship is over. You and your partner may not have been meant to be together in the first place.

We like to imagine that things were great in the beginning of our relationship and then all of a sudden fell apart. But sometimes things were bad from the start and we just didn’t notice. You may have missed some signs, and now you’re facing what could be the end of your relationship. Keep reading:

1. From the beginning, you were both mean to each other

If two people are constantly negative towards each other, it’s likely that they won’t be able to stay together. But what most of us don’t realise is that if two people in a relationship are being critical of each other, it’s likely that you were that way to begin with.

While you were dating, if your partner is being too hard on you now, they probably made fun of you in the beginning. You might not have even noticed. You may even realise that you were critical early on if your relationship isn’t very good.

If you and your partner are constantly being criticised, it’s likely that you two were never meant to be together.

2. You never talked about real things

When you’re first dating, it’s easy to talk about fun things like movies, books, trips, and big dreams for your life. But after a while, the best couples talk about more than just those things. They start talking about real life.

You get to know someone better by talking about their past relationships, how they grew up, what they believe in, and the best and worst things they’ve done. Plus, talking about more important things lets you have real conversations with your partner, the kind you need to keep a relationship going for a long time.

But sometimes, when people are really excited about a new relationship, they forget to talk about the real things that make them who they are. Unfortunately, it comes back to bite them in the behind after a few months when they realise they’ve been dating a stranger—someone they can’t even talk to.

Chief Executive Officer of Exclusive Matchmaking and master matchmaker Susan Trombetti says that not talking to each other is a surefire sign that a relationship may not have been going to last. “If you can’t talk it out, you can’t work it out, which means someone is going to leave eventually,” she adds.

If you got together but never really talked or got to know each other, it may have been over before it even started.

3. You didn’t like how lost they were

When two people are just starting to date, when one of them does something we don’t like, like not texting us back for 12 hours, it can make us like them even more. We do tend to work harder to “get” things that seem hard to get.

A relationship and dating expert named James Preece says that’s a bad sign. It probably won’t work out in the long run if your partner doesn’t make you feel nice or interested right from the start.

“If he doesn’t make your feel like a priority in his life then that’s because you aren’t,” Preece says. “If he backs out at the last minute or says he can’t see you for a while, that’s a red flag.” There must be someone better out there for him, or he’s already seeing other people.

Also, someone who isn’t ready for a partnership won’t bother to ask you questions to learn more about you. “Something is definitely wrong if he doesn’t ask much about you,” Preece says.

Being carefree at the start generally means bad things will happen later. That means that if you never liked how they treated you before, the relationship was probably about to go off the rails.

4. The s3x was never really good

Girls, why do we treat ourselves this way? And when you have a crush on someone new, it’s easy to fall in love with everything about them. You love their jokes, their hair, their glasses, and the way they smell. All of that is before you even get to the bedroom.

When you get to the bedroom, though, the effects are…not great. You don’t pay attention to the problems in bed because you had a crush on them before. You tell yourself it’s just nerves or that you don’t know each other that well yet, and it will get better over time. Then it stops.

It means that the desire wasn’t there to begin with if the s3x wasn’t that good. It probably won’t show up overnight either. It was never going to be good between you two if the s3x was bad and still is, even after you talk about it and try to fix it.

5. You fought out of anger instead of passion

Relationships don’t always begin with a spark, but sometimes with a forest fire. We find that pretty hot sometimes.

It can get pretty hot when you spend time arguing with your new love, whether it’s that cute person you met at Debate who you can’t stop “play” fighting with or the lawyer you just started dating who always has to be right. But it’s not always hot. When you’re passionate about something, it’s easy for fights to happen, which is bad for your relationship.

While you’re still getting to know someone, it’s simple to mistake a bad fight for something more. We get so excited about other people that we think anything is fun and comes from love. But as time goes on, we start to understand that their incessant fighting with us is really just terrible. All too often, this means the end.

6. You wouldn’t like being friends with anyone else besides your partner

Because you wouldn’t have chosen to be friends with your partner before or after you were dating, the relationship is over before it even began.

That doesn’t mean you have to be friends with everyone before going out with them. Instead, it means you should really like them when you think about them as a person. You should want to be friends with them even if you’re not seeing them romantically. You should still want them in your life.

If you want to be friends with someone, it usually means you like them as a person, without all the fancy feelings that come with being in a relationship. But the relationship never really had a chance if you would never, ever want to be their friend and all that’s been interested you in is s3x and flirting.

7. You didn’t care about the deal-breakers

Even if you didn’t pay attention to any early red flags, this relationship was always going to fail.

Anita A. Chlipala is a licenced marriage and family therapist and the author of First Comes Us: The Busy Couple’s Guide to Lasting Love. She says that ignoring things that could break a relationship is always a bad idea. “There are some things that just can’t be negotiated, like one person wants a child and the other doesn’t,” she adds. “It’s a bad sign if you overlook deal breakers and think things such as, ‘With a little more time…’ or ‘Once they see how awesome I am they’ll change their mind….'”

She says that neither of these things is likely to happen. “If your partner feels strongly about an issue, and you can’t accept their stance, it’s better to find someone whose goals and values are more aligned with yours.”

Trombetti says that your relationship is over if you didn’t pay attention to the red flags from the start. “You didn’t need to start this,” she says. “You just don’t want the same things out of life and this is only a recipe for a broken heart.”

It’s normal to make mistakes, and sometimes those mistakes include waiting too long to see a relationship for what it really is. Don’t worry, though. Once you finally accept that a relationship isn’t right for you, you’ll make room in your life for the person who will be right for you when the time comes.

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