The Real Reason Men Find ‘Crazy’ Women Appealing Isn’t Related To Se.x

I’m going to open with one of the clearest introductions ever: My former partner was insane. Like, utterly, batshit crazy. Not the typical kind of crazy that we like to label girls when they act in “normal crazy” ways, such as searching through our phones or following our ex-boyfriends on Instagram.

Compared to what I used to experience, all of it is routine. She was the kind of crazy about whom straight-to-Redbox films are made. I mean, this is the kind of craziness that only Tyler Perry’s deranged mind could have concocted.

However, she used to be my girlfriend in real life. I also adored her. Almost completely without exception.

I’m not going to pretend to be totally innocent and play the victim. I’m not a saint, and occasionally I’ve done things that would definitely enrage the typical person. However, sometimes the aims do not justify the means.

I won’t go into all of her misdeeds, but you basically just need to know that she was crazy and that she occasionally made life tough, if not impossible, for those around me and me.

I still loved her, though.

The routine included property destruction, invasions of privacy, unexpected house calls at strange hours, in-person and virtual confrontations with other ex-partners, suspected ex-partners, or anyone with a vagina she might have thought I had slept with, as well as visits to my place of employment. Nevertheless, I endured it until my health and the health of those around me were in jeopardy.

But why, earlier in the game, didn’t I flee before things got out of control? Why did I feel such a strong attraction to this crazy woman who was stealing my life away?

It makes a lot of sense scientifically, and someday someone will definitely write a paper about it. However, this isn’t it.

I am speaking purely from personal, first-hand experience as someone who has been in a similar circumstance. Five years later, I can see that there were a few very sinister reasons why I decided to put up with it.

Despite our dislike of it, men also require validation. Many of us have enormous egos and are insecure. At one point in my life, I was definitely guilty of being this. My inflated ego was aroused by the thought that I had this stunning woman who could chase after any male she desired.

Please understand that I’ve always been able to draw in girls—and pretty ones at that. But it did something for me to have a girl that I used to put on a pedestal become so obsessed with me. There was a time in my life when I exuded a certain amount of arrogance. Looking back, I can see that was just a slight. This girl had the ability to fill a vast gap in my being and move about it with such wild abandon, indicating that there was undoubtedly something there.

We prefer to pretend that only women experience the need for a specific type of love. In actuality, some of us experience that same yearning frequently. We just cover it up, and some men—like me—do a really good job at it. I felt somewhat falsely secure since I knew that I had someone who “loved me” and would support me no matter what I did. even when that love had unfavorable and frequently disastrous consequences.

Rapper Wale cleverly hypothesizes in his song “Passive Aggress-Her,” “My homegirl told me I have an issue with women with issues.” Perhaps because I can empathize because I have my own.”

I doubt if a quote could have been more poignant. I have my own struggles and am by no means flawless. This, I believe, is the reason I’ve always avoided the easygoing, laid-back, kind girls. I usually want my women to have a lot of imperfections. I almost lean toward nonjudgment. So what exactly is a little bit of crazy?

Essentially, men have numerous vulnerabilities with women that we sometimes criticize them for. Men and women are frequently led to remain in poisonous and destructive relationships by these insecurities and gaps.

It’s not always true what we say, such as “crazy women have the best se.x.” Please understand that the se.x was scorching hot. But that’s never the underlying glue that holds individuals in these kinds of circumstances.

Ultimately, she filled a gap that I took much too long to acknowledge existed.

But never once more.