Getting back together with an ex is, of course, not always easy. You might want to give them another chance, but if nothing has changed, you don’t want to go through hell all over again. Well, Casino.org, a website that helps people find casinos, asked 1,000 Americans about breaking up, getting back together, and everything in between. Even though they looked at many different parts of breaking up and getting back together, it was the reasons why people get back together that really surprised them.
“What we found most surprising was that short-term efforts weren’t as likely to change people’s minds about a bad breakup as long-term commitments,” the Casino.org team tells Bustle. “When people get dumped, they sometimes try to get their ex’s attention by ‘looking’ their best or making changes on the surface. The best way to get your ex back, according to our study, is to improve your life.
And it makes sense, because changes that are just on the surface aren’t as important as changes that change who you are. Still, no matter how much has changed, getting back together is not always the best choice. Sometimes the real reason you broke up was a lot more important than that.
If you’re thinking about getting back together with an ex, give yourself enough time to think about such a big choice. “If you stay too close to them and spend too much time with them, you won’t be able to get over them or meet new people,” says Dr. Nikki Martinez, a psychologist and love expert who spoke to Bustle. So give yourself some time before you decide, even if they seem to have changed.
Want to know what changes make a difference when it comes to getting back together? Here are the results of the poll.
1 Changes in daily life
This was the big one: 56% of the people who answered said that this could make them change their minds about someone. Lifestyle is a broad term for everything you do in your life, from how much you go out to bad habits like smoking, so it makes sense that it could be a big one.
2 An Excuse and a Promise
Another popular choice, which worked for 51% of respondents, was to admit they were wrong and make a promise for the future of the relationship. I think that would have to depend on how trustworthy they were to begin with, since agreements don’t mean anything if you don’t keep them.
3 They paid more attention to getting fit.
This one surprised me, but 51% of the people who answered agreed. But maybe this goes deeper than that and talks about how exercise can affect many parts of your life, from how you feel to how you spend your time. In my experience, getting more exercise has gone hand in hand with cutting back on drinking and smoking, so there is a chance that it could be good for the whole person.
4 They got back together as friends
Sometimes, all you need to do is take a break. And 47% of people said that getting together with old friends could help. You can remember what you liked about them and just be two people without all the pressure and baggage. And it works sometimes.
5 They were more willing to commit for the long haul
Not a big surprise. Since not being willing to commit can kill a relationship, it makes sense that for 46 percent, being willing to commit was the turning point.
6 An Excuse and a Big Show
Some people enjoy those parts of films. And for 46% of people, the mix of an apology and a romantic act was enough to win them over.
7 They were more willing to talk about what they liked.
43 percent said that if they shared the same hobbies, that would be enough. It’s a good way to show that you care about the relationship and are willing to put real time and effort into it, so it makes sense that this would be a strong reason to get back together.
Whether or not you should get back together with an ex depends on you and your relationship, but this study shows that you shouldn’t just look at how hot your ex is right now. If you’re thinking about getting back together, you should think about whether you’re more suitable now than you were before. That’s the only way things can work out the second time around.